Cause running away from it isn’t working.

You know the feeling.

That deep dark stomach gripping, squeezing, twisting pain.

The fast fluttering in your heart and fingers and the urge to run away.

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions we can experience right up there with love and grief.

And if you find yourself considering divorce, then the emotion of fear has been visiting more often.

As humans, our brain interprets fear as if it were a lion about to eat us, and it wants to move us into fight or flight.

For a lot of us as women, that looks like fighting against yourself for even considering a thought that created fear (“maybe I want a divorce”) or taking flight and running away from the feeling through distracting yourself.

This can look like excessive cleaning, productivity, people pleasing, care-taking, and shopping among other things.

But here’s the thing,

Fear can’t hurt you.

It can’t kill you. It can’t even touch you, because all it is is a vibration in your body that’s created by a thought you’re having.

And thoughts like,

“I’ll be alone for the rest of my life,” or

“If I leave, I’ll hurt my children, but if I stay, I’ll hurt myself” create loads of fear.

And the more you run away from the fear, the bigger it gets.

It doesn’t go away and you can’t outrun it because it’s created with your mind. And last I checked, you can’t get away from your brain.

So stop running.

Just stop, turn around, and allow yourself to look that thought of yours in the eye.

“If I get divorced, I’ll have to find a job and I haven’t worked in ten years.”

• Notice the fear as it comes up. Name it out loud. Focus on what it feels like in your body, not in your mind.
• Close your eyes and ask yourself, what color is fear in my body? Is it fast or slow? Does it move?
• Allow curiosity instead of resistance – “If this is just a vibration in my body, I wonder what will happen if I step towards it, instead of running away.”
• What do you notice? How does fear feel different than other emotions in your body like excitement, joy, love?

I promise you can open to the human experience of feeling fear.

It can’t hurt you. It’s just a vibration in your body coming from your thoughts.

Photo by Vital Sinkevich on Unsplash