“I can’t trust myself.”
By the time I was starting to consider divorce, I had already had many years of practicing this belief.
I had developed a pattern of looking to people outside of me for guidance and insight into what I should do in my life.
This looked like taking copious notes at religious meetings and then trying to checklist everything that had been mentioned.
Listening to every comment from my spouse on my appearance – “don’t like bangs, too much jewelry” – and changing it accordingly.
And oversharing with my friends and family in the hopes that someone would tell me the right things to do.
And then, when I would actually decide on my own, when things got tough or didn’t work out like I’d thought, I would beat the crap out of myself mentally. “This was such a stupid idea. What were you thinking? You look like an idiot. Don’t ever do this again.”
It’s like a part of my brain had become this negative animus that was there to constantly shame and judge me whenever I struggled or wasn’t perfect.
It was a seriously sucky way to live. Always worried about what others thought. Always trying to control their thoughts about me by taking actions that I thought they would like.
It was exhausting and felt like a hamster wheel because, newsflash, you never have control over what another human being chooses to think about you.
But coaching changed all of this.
I learned that I could CHOOSE my beliefs about myself.
That the statement “I can’t trust myself” was just a thought. And after seeing what that thought was producing, I could choose to let it go and believe something else about myself.
Slowly, little by little, I started to understand how the negative thoughts I had about myself weren’t helping me at all.
Instead of “motivating” me to change and helping me “get better,” they were creating the very things I was trying to get away from – fear, inadequacy, anxiety, depression, abandonment of self, people pleasing, and hiding.
I slowly started to develop trust in myself by changing my thoughts and my life has steadily improved ever since. I now actively practice thoughts that help me develop trust in and love for myself.
Change is not impossible, and it’s also not as hard as you think. What you believe about yourself is not set in stone, and it absolutely is not a fact.
I work with my clients, step by step, to find these old beliefs about themselves that no longer serve them, and to try on new beliefs that start creating the life they want. Because when they know they can trust themselves, then the choice to stay or go becomes clear and they move forward.