Ep #2: Into the Future We Go

Join me on a journey through time as we delve into the past and present in this second episode of The Stay or Go Podcast.

Recorded a year and a half apart from the first, these episodes mirror the ebb and flow of life, reflecting the unpredictability of our human experiences.

I’ll take you through the monumental growth period I unexpectedly entered after recording the introduction episode. Life threw challenges my way—some heavy, some transformative. From the passing of my mother to pancreatic cancer, navigating trauma in my family of origin, and confronting repressed memories, this past year and a half has been a tapestry of emotions.

In this episode, I open up a little bit about going back to therapy, the unexpected parting of ways with my best friend, and the profound impact of recent societal changes. From the Supreme Court’s denial of women’s bodily autonomy to advocating for speaking openly about child abuse, I dive into topics that matter to me.

Amidst the heavy, there’s also the unexpected joy of love. I share a little insight into the excitement and challenges of a newfound love and exploring the depths of a relationship and the lessons it brings.

Hit subscribe, buckle up, and embark with me on this wild time travel trip forward.

“Intro episode for the podcast, TAKE TWO!”

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Ep #1: Welcome to The Stay or Go Podcast

Step into this first episode with me, Britta Jo, your guide and confidante as I share an overview of what this podcast focuses on including:

  • breaking free from fear-based narratives around divorce
  • embracing your authenticity so you can live life fully
  • realizing how shame and guilt actually keep you stuck
  • rethinking affairs

and much more.

Later in the episode, I dive into my own story going from a deeply ingrained religious identity to the profound decision to divorce. I explain my goal to take an authentic approach in my epsiodes, peppered with a hint of irreverence, to create a space that is both nurturing and provocative for my listeners.

I want this podcast to be not just a space for the disenchanted in marriage, but a sanctuary away from all of the noise around considering divorce for those seeking profound self-discovery and empowerment.

Get ready to embark on a journey of dispelling myths, cultivating self-love, and navigating the delicate balance between staying and going.

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Make the Decision to Stay or Go Intentionally and Then Always Have Your Back Going Forward

Sometimes you can get so caught up in stressing about past decisions and regret that you miss the life and decisions happening right in front of you.

Then life begins to feel like you’re always chasing the tail end of it. Always reacting and recovering rather than intentionally heading where you want to go.

When we make a choice and then don’t have our back on it, we become our own worst enemy.

We put fuel on the fire of those negative inner thoughts and then they go to work tearing us down mentally.

This is why so many of my clients are afraid to decide.  They are afraid of what their mind will do to them afterwards. 

But here’s the thing, every single thing that happens to you after you choose to stay or go is something you get to choose to interpret however you want. 

If you choose to leave you can make going out and getting a job because you’re no longer dependent on your husband’s income mean:

  • an opportunity to try new things or
  • a depressing consequence of previously choosing to be a stay-at-home Mom.

If you choose to stay you can make your husband continuing to forget to take out the trash mean:

  • “He still doesn’t love me and I should have left,” or
  • “It’s just not his thing and it means nothing about how he feels about me.”

The key will always be your mind and what you choose to make everything mean.

When you make the final decision whether to stay in your marriage or go, the greatest predictor of success will be what you choose to make that decision mean and how you have your own back going forward.

This is the foundation that we build together in coaching through examining all of your habits, thoughts, patterns, feelings, beliefs, etc. and making sure that you know yourself and what you want most BEFORE you decide.

Then when you do make that decision, you are set up for success afterwards. 

Instead of floundering and struggling after divorce or spiraling back into depression and contention after choosing to stay, you move forward with purpose and direction into a new future.

It is worth every ounce of time, money, and effort to invest in yourself in this way before making one of the biggest decisions in your life.

This is the work I take my clients through. This is how they decide whether to stay or go, make their decision, and move forward without regret.

It’s Okay to Feel Sad While Considering Divorce

In fact, it can be really good for you.

In the Disney movie “Inside Out” there’s a poignant moment where the character Joy tells Sadness that she has a “super important job for her.” She then proceeds to draw a circle and tells Sadness that her job is to make sure all of the sadness stays inside of it.

Feeling a little familiar? Lock that sadness up.

A lot of my clients want to do just this with their feelings of sadness.

“Yep, come right over here, check out this great closet.” *shove in, lock the door, run away terrified hoping you won’t be able to hear the sobbing from the other side of the house while you clean, multitask, and take care of everyone else.

But the reality is, you can’t hide from emotions.

And actually, as you learn at the end of “Inside Out,” it’s the dreaded emotion of sadness that allows your brain to process grief and loss and eventually move forward. Without it, you just run around in circles feeling “happy” all the time while simultaneously feeling perpetually terrified deep down by the banging coming from that closet.

Sadness gets a bad rap in a culture where our most beautiful faces and spaces are on display through social media, and there’s constant interior pressure to keep up. But research on sadness has turned up some interesting insights.

For one, sadness can actually improve your judgment.

You know the saying about wearing “rose colored glasses?” Well, that’s all well and good until you’re trying to detect whether someone is telling the truth or not. A study by Joseph Forgas showed that when people are happy they’re more likely to make “social misjudgments due to biases.”

Basically, when you feel happy, you’re more likely to have blind spots about what’s really going on.

Sadness can also help increase your motivation to make changes.

It’s common for women who are considering divorce to experience what I have lovingly termed “the merry-go-round from hell.”

This is that cycle of something bad happening in your marriage, you feel upset and want to make changes, but then it starts to get a little better, the pain wears off, you talk yourself out of it, fear and complacency move back in and then Bam! another drop happens and you get to start it all over again.

Allowing the feeling of sadness can help you get clearer on where things are really at, what you want, and increase your perseverance for making changes.

In coaching we learn how to experience emotions in our bodies rather than in our mind, and it’s radically different than what most of us think “feeling our feelings” is like.

Letting yourself feel the sadness while considering divorce can be the very thing that helps you grieve and make peace with the past, and move cleanly into your future.

Photo by Jonatán Becerra on Unsplash