Ep #5: Considering Divorce? Understand the Life-Death-Life Cycle First

In this episode, we delve into the profound dance between life and death, challenging the conventional fear and discomfort surrounding the latter. Discover the beauty of this cyclical process and how embracing it can bring immense growth and transformation.

💔 Grieving and Growing: Explore the complexities of grief and the simultaneous birth of new experiences. Learn how allowing yourself to grieve opens space for new opportunities and how acknowledging the ebb and flow of emotions is essential for a fulfilling life.

🌱 Your Garden of Life: Picture your life as a vast garden, with different aspects like relationships, career, and personal interests. Understand the importance of choosing wisely where to invest your limited resources and ask yourself: What is the goal of your garden, and what does your soul truly desire?

🔍 Stripping Away External Labels: Challenge the external labels that define you. Explore the essence of who you are beyond roles, relationships, and achievements. Discover the strength that lies in connecting with your soul self, transcending external categorizations.

🌈 Trust Your Intuition: Dive into the magic of intuition as your inner compass. Trusting this deep knowing opens the door to a life beyond expectations, a life painted with the colors of joy, excitement, and authenticity.

🔄 The Cyclical Nature of Life: Acknowledge the cyclical process of joy and sorrow, life and death. Understand that the journey involves both letting go and welcoming the new. Learn to navigate these cycles with compassion and a deep connection to your soul.

🔮 Always More Ahead: Challenge the scarcity mindset and embrace the belief that there is always more ahead. Explore the abundance that comes with allowing life to unfold, knowing that every ending paves the way for a more aligned and fulfilling future.

🌌 Your Centered Journey: Shift the focus from external relationships to your inner self. Recognize that you are the center of your life’s journey, and allowing paths to diverge can lead to personal and collective growth. Embrace the sufficiency and abundance that comes with prioritizing your authentic desires.

🌟 Conclusion: As you navigate the interplay of life and death, remember your constant presence in the ever-unfolding tapestry of existence. Embrace the depths, make peace with transitions, and trust that there is always more love, joy, and fulfillment ahead on your unique journey. 🌈✨

Show Notes

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How Beliefs Create the Foundation for Your Life.

Beliefs are just thoughts that you’ve repeated over and over in your mind until they feel like truth.

Often they are thoughts you picked up in childhood while you were trying to make sense of the world and your place in it.

Your beliefs are what drive your life, and if you want to know what your beliefs are, just take a look at your life.

I like to visualize our beliefs as being the foundation of a house.

Here in Texas where I live, the soil is black clay and it is notorious for ruining foundations with its expansion and contraction throughout the seasons.

In a home where the foundation is compromised, the problems start out small.

A tiny crack on the ceiling, a door that starts sticking and won’t open and shut as easily as it use to, an uneven area in the floor.

Easy enough to overlook, but if left un-investigated, you can end up with tens of thousands of dollars of extensive damage repair.

Seeing the parallels?

In our own lives we have foundational beliefs that we’ve picked up, often unintentionally, from our culture, family, religion, schooling, etc.

We then go through life building the rest of our “house”- career, marriage, kids – on top of that foundation, and never think to check back up on it.

But then cracks start appearing in the ceiling. There’s more fighting in your marriage and less connection.

You notice the floor is starting to feel uneven. You wonder why you married this person in the first place. Life just feels so much more stressful now that you have kids and he doesn’t help out like you think a good husband and father should.

Doors start sticking and every time you go to close them you’re frustrated by the misalignment. You know something is off. Neither of you seem to be as happy as you hoped you’d be. You even see how those patterns in both of your parent’s marriages that you swore you’d never have in yours are ever so sneakily becoming a part of your everyday too.

These are the effects of un-examined beliefs.

When there’s an issue with the foundation of a house, no amount of WD-40, caulk, and paint is going to fix those cracks and sticking doors. You have to go back to the very beginning.

And trust me, you want to.

Cleaning up your foundational beliefs is some of the most important and life changing work you will ever do.

Pain is a Part of Life, But We Don’t Have to Fear It

For the couple of years that I was considering divorce, there were lots of moments of intense pain interspersed with brief respites where I’d think things were going to get better and change.

But the pain always came back around.

At the time though, I didn’t know enough about pain to be able to use it to look deeper at myself and start changing.

Instead, it was more like a black pit that seemed to pull me in deeper and deeper with each new fall down into it.

It became a bludgeoning force in my life that would set off a cascade of shame, fear, panic, despair, and hopelessness.

I was in so much pain, that I began to believe I WAS the pain. That something was broken inside of me, and I would never be able to escape it.

But coaching changed all of that.

It taught me that pain is created by my thoughts, and my thoughts are not me. They’re just sentences that pop into my brain.

It taught me that the pain was there to be felt and processed. To be stepped into and examined rather than locked away and buried.

And as I started to look at my pain, it led me to beautiful realizations.

  • That I wanted more in my life – more self-love, more joy, more presence.
  • That I wanted to have my own back and honor how I felt inside.
  • That I had dreams and desires I wasn’t acknowledging, and they were screaming inside of me to be let out.

Coaching gave me the tools to start making peace with the pain of life, and instead use it to feel more, go deeper, and evolve faster.

Now when pain comes up in my life, instead of running away and numbing and distracting myself from it, I usually get still and curious.

I know that there is something here wanting to be acknowledged, felt, experienced, and I now have confidence in myself that I can go there and come back deeper and more of myself than I was before.

How to Make the “Right” Choice When Considering Divorce

3 step process my clients go through in coaching.

Your thoughts are the most powerful tool you have for creating your reality.

One of the areas we focus on extensively in the style of coaching I use is a focus on your thoughts and how they create your feelings and actions.

We can take the exact same facts of a situation and what would be interpreted as awful and tragic for one person, can be viewed by another as life changing and inspirational.

It all depends on the thoughts of the person viewing the facts.

This is how divorce can be interpreted for some as the best decision they ever made, and for others the worst.

So what makes your decision “right” then?

How can you know what the “right” decision is?

I take my clients through three steps to find the answer:

  1. Clean up your current mind drama and process emotion so you can make the decision from a clean space mentally and emotionally.
  2. Know your reasons for your choice and love them.
  3. Make the decision and choose intentionally to have your own back going forward. 

This is the process that allows my clients to take whatever they choose, whether it’s staying married or getting divorce, and make it the “right” decision.

This is how they finally move forward after years spent spinning out in indecision and living half-in and half-out of their marriages.  

This is how they go on to have better lives no matter what their decision is.

There’s no “right” answer out there waiting for you to find it. 

You are the one who MAKES your decision either “right” or “wrong” with your thoughts.

That’s why it’s so important to do the work of cleaning up your brain ahead of time before you make the final decision. 

Photo by marianne bos on Unsplash